Things to Do When You're Snowbound

Just give in to it and let the snow pile up.

Have your mother dump a load of laundry, still warm from the dryer, on you. 

Wrap her clean, warm panties around your head.

Sit still and contemplate how pretty your glossy black feathers look against all that snow.

Leave a door in your heart (and your playhouse) open.

Be really annoying while looking really innocent.

Lick someone's paw.

Lick someone's face, even though they pull away.

Yawn your stinky dog breath in someone's face.

Sit around looking really sleepy and bored.

Hug your dog and sass your mama.

Sweep the car.

Scrape the ice.

Lose your gloves and use your mama's gardening gloves instead.

Practice your photography skills.

Catch snowflakes on your tongue.

Let the snow wash over your face.

Make your mama put down her camera for a snowball fight.

Accept the things you cannot change and let the snow pile up.

Proud Parent of a Terrific Kid - Redux

That's my baby on the second row, right next to the principal.  That's right, MY baby! 

I Love My Kid

Yesterday, we were talking about places we would like to visit.  Lil Sweetie said, "What's that state with the hamsters?  Oh yeah, I want to visit New Hamster! "

This kid never disappoints me with her ability to make me smile.

Be It Resolved

Yesterday, I was having lunch with my friend, T.  T. masquerades as a mild-mannered bureaucrat and soccer mom, but secretly she is a sage.  There we were, having lunch at a local bakery and chit-chatting, when the most profound statement fell out of her mouth.  What she said was that her New Year's Resolution was to fix the things that weren't working in the lives of her and her family.  Eureka!  Isn't that the best New Year's Resolution ever?  I mean, it just sums it all up, right there. 

In contrast, my New Year's Resolutions are not profound in the least.  (Although next year, I may copy Ms. T.  Seriously, hers is the best New Year's Resolution I've ever heard.)  So, what are my  resolutions? Well, for this year, I hope to shed a lot of excess baggage. Meaning clutter and weight. It’s difficult for me to put this out there, as I’ve struggled with my clutter and weight issues for years. I have a lot of shame around these topics, particularly my weight. Putting this out there is scary. What if I fail? Like I have so many times before?

And, I don’t want to turn this into a weight loss blog. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I don’t want to obsess about my weight and what I’m eating and how much of what kind of exercising I’m doing. I probably think about food too much now—I read cookbooks for fun, y’all! Fattie porn! But I don’t want to replace that kind of obsession with an obsession over calorie counts and fat grams and carbs. I want to devote more of that emotional and intellectual energy on living my dang life! I want my thinking and actions around food to just be normal. That’s not too much to ask, is it?

So, I don’t have a food plan or exercise plan per se. I am working a program called “The Grown Up Girl’s Guide to Weight Loss”. I’m not dieting, I'm making better food choices. I’m being gentle with myself. I’m giving myself credit for the things I do right, not beating myself up for the things I do wrong. I’m taking baby steps. I’m thinking long term. I’m expecting results to come, but slowly. And I’m hopeful.

Happy MLK Day

"I refuse to accept the view that mankind is so tragically bound to the starless midnight of racism and war that the bright daybreak of peace and brotherhood can never become a reality... I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word." ~ Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

You Are My World

My heart bleeds for the people of Haiti. I watched footage last night of attempts to free an 11-year-old girl from the rubble. Her cries haunted my dreams. I don’t accept that there is nothing we can do—we can pray, we can pony up some cash, we can encourage others to do the same.  Please help in the ways that you can.

“We are inevitably our brother's keeper because we are our brother's brother. ” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

How Do You Know When It’s Over?

How do you know when it’s over? How do you know when love has died? How do you know when you are in an abusive relationship? If you are asking these questions, is that a sign?

And no, I’m not talking about my husband. I’m talking about Stinky Weaselton, the hound from hell. Due to her love of writing implements and dancing on tables, it’s quite possible she is the reincarnation of Zelda Fitzgerald. I hear she was a real bitch, too.

Seriously, if you leave a pen, pencil, crayon or marker out anywhere, Stinky will find a way to claim it and chew it up. I have caught her up on the coffee table, the end table and the kitchen table nosing around for writing implements. Eww! Who wants a dog up on their kitchen table?

In addition to the writing implements, Stinky has also chewed up numerous popsicle sticks she pulled from the trash, two blankets, a doll, a stuffed pig, two pairs of shoes, two packs of gum, several tubes of lip balm, two towels, and a plastic breath mint container. As if that wasn’t bad enough, I’m convinced the dog pees out of defiance. If you do not pay homage to her by petting her and loving her and telling her she is pretty, she will pee on your rug. She is sneaky about it, too. Little jerk!

The dog is also in love with the sound of her own voice.  After two hateful letters from the City, we can hardly let her outside.  Stupid Yappy McBarkerson!

Stinky is going to have to find a new place to live. I can no longer tolerate her drama, her destructive behavior, her complete defiance of the rules of our household. She is a bully and a nuisance and I just cannot love her. And all God’s creatures deserve to be loved. Surely there is a masochist out there looking for a dog.

The Leaders of the Free World

Why do my friends and I call ourselves the Leaders of the Free World? Well, one of us (I’m being purposefully vague here) was in therapy and looking at why she was so staggeringly successful in some parts of her life and so ahem, not as successful in others. Her therapist said, “Well, why would Bill Clinton have sex with an intern? Because to everyone else he was the Leader of the Free World, but deep inside, he still felt like Bubba from Arkansas.”

So ever since she shared that with us, when one of us is having a crisis of confidence, someone else always pipes up and says, “You are NOT Bubba from Arkansas! You are the Leader of the Free World!” Somewhere along the line, we just started referring to our group collectively as “The Leaders of the Free World.”

The name is so fitting because I am thoroughly convinced, that given enough free time, we could solve the problems of the world. Collectively, we are that damn smart and wise and talented. If someone would just put us up somewhere with about a month’s supply of beer and snack foods, we could have the economy rebounding, the Middle East settled down, and the health care bill all figured out. President Obama? I hear Camp David is lovely this time of year!

Counting My Blessings

After all the whining in my last post, perhaps I should brag a little about all that is going right in my life:

1. The hubs—Mr. Sweetie. I rag on him a lot, but he is a real stand-up guy. I’ve known all along that he was a boy scout (and I mean that both literally and metaphorically) but the past year has really revealed his true colors, and they are beautiful. This man has dropped everything to be with his sister as she goes through cancer treatment, even giving up his season tickets to OSU football to be with her. And this is a man who HATES hospitals and LOVES OSU football. He did some things to ensure that she got treatment that were gutsy and daring and brave. They are too personal to go into here, but I truly believe that my beloved sister-in-law might not be alive today if he (and a few others) hadn’t committed daring acts of courage. He is truly my hero.
2. Lil Sweetie, of course. She is my sunshine, the light of my life, my saving grace. She challenges me and amuses me and at times, infuriates me, and I adore her more than life itself.
3. My mama. I don’t know how I would have gotten through the past year without her. She held my hand through 3 surgeries, helped me raise my kid with Mr. Sweetie gone so much, and most of all, loved me, even when I was a whining, sniveling wet mess of nerves. Which I’m ashamed to say was far too often in 2009.
4. My girls, Lise and the Leaders of the Free World. I have the most amazing bunch of women in my life. They are beautiful and strong and wise and they love me, I mean reeeeeeally love me, which profoundly amazes me when I stop to think about it. There is nothing these women haven’t done for me, wouldn’t do for me. It’s quite humbling. And awe-inspiring.

Goodbye and Good Riddance!

I’ve never been so glad to see a year in my rearview mirror as with 2009. Ugh! With apologies to Charles Dickens, it was the best of years, it was the worst of years. Mostly the worst of years. My beloved SIL’s cancer diagnosis tops the list of suckage that was 2009, but there was (is) also the never-ending bathroom remodel, not to mention the never-fully-healing detached retina. (To be clear, the retina has reattached. But I still can’t see clearly. And it sucks! And it’s been months and months. And it sucks!) In addition, in 2009 my other beloved SIL (hi Milly!) went through a lengthy and difficult divorce, as did a dear friend. Another dear friend is still in the midst of a divorce and a third precious friend (hi Robin!) is nursing her mother through a terrible illness. In 2009, my sister-friend learned that it is only a matter of time before she must undergo a serious surgery.  And then there is my much respected and adored boss, who lost her father in 2009 AND is going through a difficult divorce. I watched so many people I love go through so much stress and pain in 2009. And it sucked!  Have I mentioned that 2009 pretty much sucked?

Surprisingly given the level of whining in that last paragraph, I am feeling hopeful about 2010. I just love a bright, shiny new year, don’t you? I love New Year’s Resolutions and goals and make them all the time...for New Year’s, for Chinese New Year, for the beginning of the school year, for my birthday. I have no problem making goals and resolutions. I just have trouble keeping them. But I never give up hope. And so that is my theme for 2010: HOPE. Hope that better days are going to come. No, hope that better days are HERE.