On Hiatus

Today is my birthday.  I am 48 years old.  Am I sad about being 2 years out from fiddy?  No way.  I'm ecstatic about turning 48.  I'm not sure why.  I'm sure that the death of my beloved sister-in-law, Memory, at the age of (barely!) 51 has made me more grateful for every year.  Still, it's more than that.  I've been thinking a lot about what I want from life, what is working in my life and what isn't.  I'm turning inward, looking for answers deep inside.  Looking for peace and stability--that small still voice within.  It's awfully hard to hear it over the din.  And that's why I have decided to take a break from this blog for a while.  I've had a love-hate relationship with it from the beginning.  I'm a very private person, so putting my thoughts out here for the whole world to see has been somewhat painful, even though I blog somewhat anonymously.  It feels risky to put myself out here for all the world to see and comment on, and yet, it feels dishonest, this blogging anonymously.  It's a quandry.  And I have such limited time for creativity.  Blogging seems to me to be a conversation, and so I am aware of my "audience."  I temper my potty mouth, my political and religious beliefs, my thoughts, my soul.  In my private journals and creative pursuits, I am most authentically me.  And that's what I need more of right now.  As the Peas say, Imma Be Me.  Offline, at least for a while.