Things That Annoy Me

1. Don’t offer your kid to me unless you are seriously willing to terminate your parental rights and sign a Consent to Adoption. I don’t care how horrible the little bugger has been. As someone who struggled mightily and painfully for years to be a parent, you cavalierly saying, “Ugh! My kid’s been awful lately! Ya want him?” really pisses me off. My kid actually had her first set of parents walk away from her and she will carry that emotional burden her whole life. You joking about doing the same to your kid, especially to me, is just WRONG.
2. Likewise, don’t joke to me about being so broke you may have to sell your kid into slavery. Slavery is not funny or cute. Neither is child trafficking. Sadly, there are children in the world today being sold into slavery. Have the decency not to make light of the horror that is their lives.
3. Middle-aged women actually exist. We are not invisible. It is not cool to let me stand in line at the store for ten minutes, then the minute a man walks up behind me, open up an additional check-out line by saying, “Sir? I can help you over here.”
4. When we are in our cars and I stop to let you into my lane because your lane is closed due to construction, I do that because I am a nice person and I would like a little wave of appreciation in acknowledgment of that. When you don’t give me the wave, I feel like you feel you are entitled to go ahead of me and that makes me want to stomp on the gas and ram into your car.
5. It is not necessary to do construction on every street in my city at the same time. Planning, people! It’s a good thing.
6. If you want to stand around in large groups in public places, fine. But don’t block entire entryways, aisles, sidewalks, etc. It’s just plain rude. And blocking the exit point of an escalator is dangerous and stupid. See, I can’t really stop, no matter how dirty of a look you give me, as I’m on a mechanical moving apparatus that is about to dump me off right where you are standing.
7. Shrieking in a high-pitched voice, especially directly into my ear, is neither desired nor appreciated. I don’t care how close we are to missing the beginning of your favorite TV program.
8. If you are a place of business and are going to have a website (which you really should, by the way), then have the decency to put your address, phone number and hours on that website in a place that is easy to find. Why else would I be looking at your lame-ass website?
9. If you are literally a silly goose, you really shouldn’t casually stroll across a busy street during rush hour every morning. You have wings, use them!  You are going to end up as roadway pate' one morning and that is going to ruin both our days.
10. A sports superstar screwing around on his wife is not news. Neither is a TV personality’s divorce from his SEVENTH wife. There is plenty enough real news in the world. Let’s stop focusing on the silly crap, shall we?  And leave poor Sandra alone, for God's sake!
11. If you are a middle-aged woman with her own blog, who has found numerous things to be cranky about, it’s quite possible you need your hormones adjusted. Excuse me while I call my doctor...