Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Remember the Barren and the Birthmoms

As we celebrate mothers, motherhood, and all things MOMMY this Sunday, please remember those struggling with infertility. I have spent the Mother’s Day church service sobbing in the bathroom after the pastor had all the mommies stand and be recognized. I know I am not the only one.

And don’t forget the birthmoms. They are judged so harshly, so unfairly. How many times have I heard someone say, “How could anyone ‘give away’ a child?” And I say to them, only the very best mothers can. Motherhood is the ultimate sacrifice. At its core, motherhood is nothing more than agreeing to put another’s needs ahead of your own, putting yourself through heartache and pain if it is necessary for the health and happiness of your child. If one truly believes that they do not have the resources necessary to raise a child, that their child is truly better off being raised by someone else, how can a good mother NOT “give away” her child? That type of sacrifice is the very essence of motherhood.

And don’t think that birthmoms do not grieve for the children they have placed for adoption. The birthmom I love and others I have met grieve daily, even as they know that they made the right choice for their children.

Remember the Barren and the Birthmommies. On Mother's Day and always.

A note about language:

In this post I have used language that some may find inappropriate. Please note that many in the adoption community do not approve of the term “give away” and prefer “place for adoption” or “make an adoption plan.”

Also, as an infertile woman myself, I like the word “barren.” It’s old-fashioned and quaint and makes me think of my uterus as a type of desert, which I think can be quite beautiful in its stark emptiness. I also feel like it links me to all those barren sisters in the Bible. Gosh, God do love a barren gal, don’t he?

However, if my choice of terminology has offended, I deeply apologize.


Robin Thomas: A Nest With a View said...

I am glad for this post, as I have not looked at Mother's Day that way. As always you enlighten.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for your heart-felt thoughts. I've written a note to another friend today, Mother's Day, about her fertility challenge ... just a nod to what she's going through, reminding her that she's not alone.

Milly said...

I love ya!
Happy mother's day!