Trust

In the crafty bloggy community, there are a number of people who choose a word for the year—a word that will be their focus and their hope for the new year. For the past few years, I have done this and there has been a sort of magic in it for me.

Two years ago for 2011, I chose the word "lighten". At the time I chose it, it had meaning for me in regards to losing weight and decluttering. Alas, neither of those was to be. Instead, my life lightened in some interesting and necessary ways I hadn't even contemplated, having to do with some long-standing health issues. So it was a great success, but not in the way I had originally hoped.

Last year, I decided way in advance that my word would be "present." My 50th birthday would be happening in 2012, and there were sure to be some awesome presents coming my way, including some I planned to give myself. "Present" also had meaning for me in that I had caught myself too many times not fully focusing on my child or a friend or coworker and I knew I needed to work on being fully present for the people that I care about. Then Mark died and I hung on to the "present" like a drowning man. I could not contemplate a future without him, and so I focused merely on the moment I was in. My mantra was "Left foot, right foot, breathe in, breathe out." The only way I made it through the worst of it was being present in the moment and refusing to think of next week or next month or next year. So "present" was more than just a word for me last year, it was a life preserver that kept my head above water in a stormy sea.

This year, I tossed around a few words—"renew," "restore," and "growth" were contenders for a while—but nothing felt quite right. Until one day, I was thinking about worry and what a worry wart I am. (Seriously, I was worrying about how much I worry, that's how bad a worry wart I am. If there is ever a Worry Olympics, I'm your huckleberry.) So it occurred to me that trust is the opposite of worry. That's good stuff—let me repeat it: Trust is the opposite of worry.

And just like that my word came to me...trust. Trust that God has a plan. Trust that my life isn't over. Trust in my path. Trust that everything is happening as it should. Trust that I am enough. Stop worrying, and trust. Just trust.

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